D's Assistant
by Blood-Smeared Shuriken
Summary: D hires a teenage girl to work at the petshop. Chaos ensues and suddenly Erika Hunter's life is much more complicated. Currently ON HOLD
1. HELP WANTED

Diclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of Pet Shop of Horrors. I only have rights to Erika Hunter

A/N: The only reference these stories will make to the actual events in the anime/manga is in this first chapter where D comments about being dragged out to deal with killer rabbits (manga volume one chapter three: Daughter.) Other than that these are stand alone chapter linked together only by the characters in them, just like the manga. The story sort of revolves around my OC Erika Hunter, who is hired as D's assistant. Feel free to review but don't bother to flame my OC. I like her, I don't see why you shouldn't.

Oh, and I don't know why everyone seems to accept Q-chan without comment. I mean, he's a rabbit with wings. Surely that should get some sort of notice. It's so strange…

Onwards to the story…

Chapter One

HELP WANTED

"Hello?"

The tall, slightly sulky looking blonde walked slowly through the shop. "Hey, is anyone there?" She frowned and placed one hand on her hip, obviously annoyed. In her other hand, she held a plain white placard bearing the words "HELP WANTED" in simple block capitals. "With all due respect," she called, "I don't actually have time for this. I'm supposed to be at school." Although her mother and stepfather wouldn't really care at her missing school, a couple of her teachers would, and if she didn't turn up for their classes – again – questions would be asked. And she did not have the patience to have other people meddling in her affairs. She never had.

There was no reply to her irritated cry. "Oh, come ON!" she muttered grouchily, seating herself on one of the low couches in the front room. There were some delicious looking biscuits in a plate on the coffee table, but she didn't take one. That would be rude… Talking to the comparatively empty – of humans, anyway – shop, she complained, "When there's a sign on the front door saying that you're open, and when that door is also unlocked, you are supposed to be within, gleefully awaiting the arrival of your customers."

She tapped her fingers on the arm of her couch for a few minutes, then her inner restlessness won over and she stood up again and began to pace, edgy as some great caged cat. She was a lot like a big cat, actually, probably a leopardess, short tempered, elegant and beautiful. Her loose blonde hair was long, cut with chin length bangs which today were parted at the side and completely covering her right eye, partially obscuring her left. Her left eye, the only one visible, was such a dark grey as to appear black in most lights. Her skin was fair, sort of pale. She wore ripped-at-the-knees blue jeans, worn white and brown sneakers and a light grey hooded sweatshirt with a large logo on the front. She was frowning, golden brows drawn down over a small nose. A scowl was a standard expression for her, one that she used frequently.

There was a soft scrape of a shoe on the doorstep and she heard the front door opening quietly. She whirled around, fixing the man who'd just walked in the door with a single irritated dark grey eye. "Are you –" both of them said at the same time and then stopped. The girl sighed. "You first," she said, forcing a smile. She looked him over, sizing him up as she tried to work out whether he was the Count or not.

She doubted it.

He looked like a businessman, maybe an accountant or something, with greying hair and a lined, worried sort of face. He wore a snappy charcoal grey suit, which the girl approved on, and twisted his hands nervously around the handle of his briefcase, which the girl _did not_ approve of. Showing nervous emotion when you were a businessman or an accountant or whatever could not be good for business. Plus, he was sweating, she could smell it from her position of a few metres away, which was probably doing horribly things to that gorgeous suit. She noticed as he opened his mouth to speak that his teeth were crooked.

"Are you the Count?" the man asked uncertainly.

The girl processed that question very quickly, came to several conclusions from it, and replied before she even really knew what she was doing.

"No, sir," she said at her most eloquent (which was pretty damn eloquent). "I must apologize. I am not the Count, merely his assistant, Erika Hunter. The Count, regrettably, had to step out on some unavoidable business, but I would be delighted to help you in any way I can." She bowed slightly, dropping the HELP WANTED card as she did so and kicking it under a chair. The man stared at her with a faintly sceptical look, and Erika quickly realised that he was taking note of her age and her distinctly unprofessional attire. She smiled, hiding her inborn attitude problem behind glassy customer services, remembering the motto learned form her brief time of working in a supermarket – "The customer is always right."

"Once again, I apologise, this time for my attire… I had intended to spend the morning cleaning out the animal's cages and pens. A rule I have learnt in working for Count D – 'One should never wear one's best clothes to do something potentially dirty'. What was it that you came to the shop to buy, sir?" She deliberately didn't bring up the subject of her age re: the fact that at seventeen she should technically be at school, hoping that he'd just let it drop.

The man seemed to relax slightly. To Erika's relief, he didn't even mention the age thing. "My daughter's birthday is next Saturday," he explained. "She's been dropping hints about a kitten for the last six months. Do you have anything like that on sale here?" His expression suggested that if they didn't then there was something seriously wrong with them.

"I'm sure we do," Erika replied with her best adorable smile, which needed practise anyway, pulling off her grey sweatshirt and folding it neatly, placing it on one of the couches. Her t-shirt underneath was plain, black, and seemed to meet the sweaty accountant's approval, such as it was. "If you would follow me, sir."

Without much difficulty, Erika located a pen full of mewling kittens. They looked normal enough. There was no price on the cage, and the cats didn't look purebred, so Erika ended up guessing the price. She told him the dreamt-up cost in a confident voice and sold him the most adorable little ginger tabby cat with huge blue eyes. He left the shop, thanking her profusely and promising to tell all his friends about the wonderful service offered at Count D's Pet Shop in Chinatown.

And the sweaty accountant was just the beginning – after him the morning turned incredibly busy. She sold pets to at least ten people, making a note of what she sold and at what price every time. If possible she asked the name of the buyer as well. She'd give the list of sales to D when he eventually turned up… right after she let him know how stupid he had been to leave the door unlocked and the OPEN sign still up when she was very obviously out. He was lucky Erika, who was a basically honourable person, had come in before anyone less honourable had had time to rob him.

It was evening when D returned with a tall, blonde, obviously furious man, hours after Erika had used the shop phone to ring her mother and inform her that she would be late home for dinner, if she turned up in time to eat at all. The first thing the two of them saw was a tall, pretty and incredibly unfamiliar teenage girl serving one of the last of D's customers. She caught sight of the two of them over the customer's shoulder and fixed D with an irritated look. After finishing selling the customer, a middle aged woman with frizzy orange hair, she made her last note on her sale list and walked towards the two men with a wad of cash, a vastly annoyed expression on her face, and several furious remarks queuing on the tip of her tongue.

Before she had time to say anything though, Q-chan, the winged rabbit, jumped from D's shoulder and flew across to perch on top of her head. She smiled, all her irritation dissolving immediately. "Hello, little one," she said, reaching up a hand to the little creature. "What do you want?"

"Kyuu!" Q-chan squeaked happily, hopping onto her hand. She lifted him down and cradled him in her arms, stroking his fur. He squeaked again and clambered up onto her shoulder, where he perched.

Erika fixed her attention back on D. "Count D," she said in a very level voice, "and… whoever you are." Her gave flickered off the unknown blonde European. "I'm sure you know how to lock a door, don't you?"

"Why, yes…" D said calmly, looking confused. "Why do you… Oh, dear." His face fell as he realised what must have happened.

"Yeah, _oh dear_," Erika muttered. Louder, she said, "I came here in response to the HELP WANTED sign you had in the window. I'd love you to hire me for an after school job. But, really? You left the entire place unlocked and the OPEN sign still up. And there've been, like, ten or more customers in today. What if one of them had just walked in and stolen something?"

"Oh, dear," said D again. "Officer Orcot here dragged me off on a case regarding some killer rabbits… He pulled me out of the place far too fast for me to be able to even think about locking up. Thank heavens you arrived."

The blonde guy, identified as Officer Orcot, was far less trusting. "What were you doing serving customers in a shop that wasn't yours?" he demanded. "That's probably illegal."

Erika pinned him with a killer glare, feeling irritation rise. "The money will, of course, be Count D's in the entirety. I was merely responsible for the transferred ownership of a few pets. I hardly see how that is a criminal offence."

Orcot stared at her. "How old are you?" he asked abruptly, frowning.

Erika lifted an eyebrow, a move mirrored by the Count. "How, rude…" D said softly, smiling at Erika. "I apologise for him. I know that _he _won't."

"It's fine, Count D," Erika said, her eyes narrowing dangerously, even as a light smile passed across her lips. To Orcot, she said, "Don't you know that you should never ask a lady how old she is? But as you're probably _a lot_ older than me, _and_ obviously suffering from some strange mental malady which apparently robs the victim of whatever manners they had to begin with – in your case, I suspect, not very many – I won't take offence. I am nearly eighteen years of age. Why?"

"You definitely don't talk like a seventeen year old," he said flatly. "And didn't you imply that you'd been here all day? Shouldn't you have been in school?"

"I would have been, had not my conscience dictated that I remain here, to guard the shop and the animals within from whatever creeps and/or weirdoes may wander off the street, and, taking advantage of the shop's unattended state, simply take whatever caught their fancy," Erika explained smoothly, hardly even noticing what she was saying, as she fought down the hunger that had been gnawing at her for the past few hours. She hadn't eaten anything since the apple she'd grabbed for breakfast – she was starving!

D applauded her languidly. "Very nicely said," he congratulated her. Erika bowed automatically. "Thank you for minding the shop for me," he continued. "And, of course, I'll hire you for that job. You appear to be just the kind of person I've been looking for. But I'm afraid I still don't know your name…?"

Erika blushed. "I'm sorry," she said apologetically. "I don't actually talk to people I've never met before too often, so I'm used to everybody knowing who I am. My name is Erika Hunter. I'm very pleased to meet you."

"The feeling is entirely mutual," said D, with an elegance of phrase to match hers. He took her hand in a natural move and absentmindedly kissed it. Erika blushed a deep red and smiled. "I'm D, although I have to tell you that I'm not actually the Count. My grandfather is the one to hold that title. He's abroad at the moment, I'm afraid. Perhaps you'll be able to meet him some day.

"This," he continued, waving at Orcot with a graceful hand, "is Detective Leon Orcot. Say hello to the nice lady, Leon…"

"Pleasure," said Orcot edgily, shaking Erika's hand. The two blondes had evidently decided not to like each other. "Well, I'd probably better head home," Erika said, giving D an apologetic look. "I wrote a list of everything I sold, and at which price…" She handed him the list and regretfully removed Q-chan from her shoulder. "I had no idea what the pets were actually priced at so I had to just guess. Oh, and the name and number of the people I could wrestle such details from is included in the list as well…" She frowned. "I think that's about it. Should I turn up after school tomorrow as well?"

"Yes, that would be wonderful," D told her, running his eyes down the list. "Oh… one more thing… Did you sell anything from out of the back rooms?"

Erika noticed that Leon Orcot grew very alert at this. She frowned and shook her head. "No, Count D," she said. "I didn't even go into the back rooms. I stayed in the front part of the shop all day. See you tomorrow. Goodbye, Detective Orcot…" Orcot said something along the lines of a farewell and Erika picked up her grey sweatshirt and headed for the door.

She was almost outside when D spoke again. "Oh, Erika, what a moment would you?" Erika paused, looking back with a quietly confused expression. "What is it, D?"

He handed her a roll of green bills. "Your wage for today," he said, and smiled. Erika felt her heart lurch – oh, great, now she was fostering a crush on her new boss… "Thank you so much for looking after the shop for me. I truly appreciate it."

Erika grinned. "It was no trouble – better by far than having to deal with school. Thank you for this," she added, waving the roll of cash. "I'll catch a taxi once I get out of Chinatown. See you tomorrow, D."

She walked off down the street, with an entirely uncharacteristic spring in her step, delighted that she'd gotten a job with a good boss and was on her way towards earning enough money to move out of her mother's house and into an apartment of her own. She really had to get out of there…

Back in the shop, Orcot was yelling at D. "It's one thing to deal with those insane, dangerous animals of your yourself!" he shouted. "But it's another thing entirely to get a teenage girl wrapped up in your crazy schemes!! How much trouble d'you think she'll get in when I shut you down?!"

"Officer, calm down," D said faintly, looking at him with a slightly worried expression. "Erika won't get into any trouble, I promise. Now, could I interest you in a mooncake…?"


	2. The Box

Chapter Two

The Box

The phone rang, shrill in the pre-opening stillness of the shop. Count D walked over and picked it up, lifting it slowly to his ear. He hadn't been expecting any callers this early in the morning. "Hello? Count D's Pet Shop."

There was a pause, then D said, "Oh, it's you…" in a voice that was carefully neutral. "Have you been able to procure on of them for me?" Erika Hunter, Count D's new assistant, paused, the broom she had been using to sweep the floor of the shop pausing for a few moments as her dark grey eyes fixed on the back of D's head. She could see his fingers tightening around the phone as he listened to his caller's reply. His free hand clenched into a fist at his side. He was obviously not happy – his expression had entered the Realm of the Marginally Depressed. "That's very kind of you, but I can't pick it up now… I have business here in Los Angeles that I just can't afford to leave unattended."

Another pause.

"Tomorrow?" said D in a voice that could only be described as whiny. He looked depressed to the point of miserable suicide. "But I can't go tomorrow. How am I supposed to get passage to New York in less than a day? Couldn't you just hold onto it for me until…Oh. I see. Well, I'll try… Thank you." D put down the phone, staring down at it in quiet despair.

"D? Whatever is the matter?" Erika asked, reaching out and touching his shoulder lightly. He looked so sad… D turned his head and managed a smile for her. "It's nothing," he said, his voice soft. "Something – a box – has arrived for me in New York, that's all… And there's no way to get it here to Los Angeles."

Erika couldn't help herself. She laughed. With a brilliant smile, she said to the mildly stunned D, "Oh, is that all? There is absolutely no need to concern yourself, my dear Count. I'm going to New York City this weekend myself, to see my father, remember? That's why I asked you for time off. So if you would just be so kind as to give me the address from which I should pick up your box, I'd be happy to get it for you –" The rest of her little speech was cut off as D grabbed her, hugging her hard as frenzied words of thanks poured from his lips. The box in New York obviously meant a lot to him.

Erika blushed and wished that he hadn't done that. It was getting harder every day to hide her stupid little crush on D and him touching her was really the last straw – she felt like she was going to melt into a little puddle of Erika fluid upon the floor. "D…" she managed to gasp. "D, get off." All her usual articulacy had fled her; she was stumbling over her words and blushing dark red.

D didn't let her go, but he did pull back, an arm around her waist, and smiled at her. "Thank you, Erika," he said and lifted her chin with one long finger. Then he kissed her delicately on the cheek.

Erika concentrated on not letting her head implode.

The next day, Erika climbed off a plane and looked tiredly around an airport for her father. He was standing a few metres away from her, flirting with some woman Erika didn't recognise, looking his usual suave self as he laughed and joked with the beautiful brunette. Neither of them had noticed the teenager yet. Erika paused, examining him and his companion with a critical eye.

It looked as though the two of them had just come from a dinner party – they both wore formal attire, dresses and dinner jackets. Her father's golden hair was professionally streaked by one of the most expensive hairdressers and his face was the epitome of older male gorgeousness. He was easily six foot, probably more – Erika got her height from her father. The blonde teenager turned her attention to her father's female companion, mentally comparing the woman to her mother.

She was tall, with long, dark brown hair in a complex hairdo that combined ringlets and straightened bits. Her face was exquisite, but colder than Jeff Hunter's ex-wife's, and her eyes were a strange shade of pale violet. Her skin was a perfect cream. She wore a floor-length, low cut violet dress to match her eyes. For some reason, she left Erika with the feeling that there were leeches climbing over her skin…

As Erika walked towards the two of them, her backpack slung over her shoulder, she reflected on D's last words to her regarding the box she had offered to collect for him.

"_Remember, you must be on time. If you are even five minutes late, then my associate will sell the contents of the box on to someone else. That's the kind of man he is, don't hold it against him. Now, just go to this address in the New York Chinatown at precisely twelve o'clock at night, not a minute before, not a minute after, knock once, and tell whoever answers the door that D sent you. Show them this." He gave her a pendant on a thin silver chain. It was a Chinese symbol carved out of jet. Erika didn't recognise the character. "I've already phoned ahead to tell them you're coming," he continued. "Now listen very carefully. I'm going to give you a description of what the box looks like. I wouldn't put it above them to try and switch the box with another one, to try and trick you. You can't let them do that."_

"_Should I open the box and check its contents?" Erika had asked._

"_No! Whatever you do, don't open that box. It could be dangerous for you. I'm not sure that I should actually send you on this little quest. You could be in danger just by accepting the box…" D had frowned looking worried as he had his seconds thoughts. _

_Erika had just rolled her eyes. "Be calm, Count D. I'll be fine. Although it would be nice to know what I'm actually putting myself in danger for…"_

"_I'll tell you when you get back."_

"_Very helpful, D."_

"_I try. Now, about the box…"_

Erika smiled at the memory, reaching into her pocket and checking that she still had the square of parchment upon which D had written the address of a shop in Chinatown in his swirly, looping handwriting. If she had had a normal father, then getting the parental blessings on going out at midnight in a strange city might have been a little difficult, but this was Jeffery Hunter. He'd probably offer to lend her his car, so she wouldn't have to pay for a taxi… Erika rolled her eyes at the thought and reached out to tap her father on the shoulder. He turned, a bright smile spreading across her face at the sight of his daughter. Erika somehow summoned a smile in response, trying to simulate proper daughterly feeling as her traitorous mind wished that this moment was just over.

Hours later, Erika lay still in warm bathwater, her eyes closed and her blonde hair spread out across the water. Frothy foam covered the top of the water, hiding her body completely. She was dwelling on her father's new 'partner', Bethany Hope, the beautiful brunette. Her father had introduced the two of them and it had been hate at first sight. Bethany did not like Erika's attitude problem. Erika did not like Bethany's view on life, seeing her as shallow, frivolous and calculating. The woman was manipulating.

_Speak of the devil…_

Bethany opened the bathroom door and glided into the room, standing next to the bath as Erika slowly opened her eyes and fixed her with an inquiring look. "Have you ever heard of the word 'privacy'?" the teenager asked quietly. Bethany gave a brittle, so-fake smile. "And Jeff's and my privacy is exactly what you intruded when you asked to come stay for a weekend," she returned, her voice dripping poisoned honey. Erika suppressed the urge to climb out of her bath and strangle the woman. "I don't believe it's a crime to visit my father for the first time in nearly a year," she said in as even a voice as she could manage.

"You could have given us more warning."

"What is it that you want, Ms Hope? I'll be gone this time tomorrow."

"Why are you going to Chinatown at midnight?"

"What business of it is yours?" Erika asked her bluntly.

"I am your father's fiancée!" Bethany exploded, presenting Erika with her hand, upon which was an impressive amethyst engagement ring. Erika felt her heart go thump, horror clouding her mind, but she forced her face into staying blank. Didn't either of her parents have any taste in partners?? "Congratulations," she said calmly. "Couldn't you have given me this information when I wasn't in the bath? When I was fully clothed, perhaps?"

Bethany bit her lip, angry that she'd let her temper get the best of her. "I wasn't supposed to tell you that," she muttered. "Don't tell your father that I told you, please. He's planning to make it a surprise at lunch tomorrow..."

"And just what is my silence worth to you?" Erika asked mildly.

"What?"

"Stop asking questions about my business in Chinatown, if you please. And if you wouldn't mind getting out of the bathroom, I'd love to get out of this bath. I'm getting cold and I have a lot of preparing to do before I'm able to go."

Bethany stalked out of the bathroom, semi-slamming the door behind her. Erika climbed out of the bath and dried herself off. She wrapped a towel around herself and walked through from her ensuite into her bedroom. She had a lot to do…

Erika picked out a basic black attire for her little mission – black jeans, t-shirt and jacket. She wore her black leather motorcycle boots, which were brilliant for kicking people with and which she could still run in. She brushed her still wet hair and French braided it, clipping her too-short-to-tie-back fringe to the sides of her head. She didn't want to be blinded by her hair in the middle of running like hell in the opposite direction of her pursuers. After that, she began to accessorise. D had warned her that she might be in danger collecting the box and she wasn't going to just waltz in without any protection whatsoever. On her hands went a pair of fingerless leather gloves which had studs on the knuckles and in her pocket went a thin tube of the most potent cheap perfume she had been able to find, which could be sprayed into assailants faces. It was more effective than Mace. She debated over her last little precaution. If she came up against someone more skilled at knife fighting than her, then her ten inch pocket knife could easily be turned against her. She wasn't sure that she should take something so potentially dangerous with her. Finally she just gave up and slipped the knife into her boot. She wouldn't use it unless there was no other option. She picked up her battered silver cell phone and the piece of parchment that D had given her, tucking both of them into one of her hip pockets. Lastly, she put on the necklace D had given her to identify herself and tucked it under her shirt. It was cool against her skin. She picked up a black shoulder bag she was going to use to carry the box in, then, all her preparations done, she walked downstairs to say goodbye to her father.

"What, no makeup?" Jeff Hunter teased. "I thought you were going out for a night on the town."

Erika smiled. "I'm not, not really, Dad. Just going to pick something up for a friend."

"In the middle of the night?" Bethany said snippily. "Must be a very strange friend." She was standing a few metres away, and, because her husband-to-be's back was turned, she was glaring at Erika with an expression of utter hate. "I can't argue with that," Erika said calmly. "He is quite… odd. But don't worry, I won't get myself into trouble."

Her father laughed. "I'm just happy that Erika's making friends, even if they are odd. Try not to total the Porsche, and don't get arrested or killed. That's all I ask."

_That's all you ever ask, _Erika thought sadly as she took the keys from him, kissed him goodbye and left the house with promises to do none of the above. _All Jeff Hunter wants is that his daughter doesn't do anything that might make her look like a delinquent, and that she never ask him for any money. That's all he's ever wanted…_

Some time later, Erika walked along a surprisingly well-lit and populated street, heading towards the shop where her little rendezvous was scheduled. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, checking the time. Eleven forty-five. She had fifteen minute to find the shop. If she was even just a minute late, then it would all be over. The thought of D's face if she returned to LA empty handed made her heart speed up. She just couldn't _do_ that to him. So she kept walking, checking the infrequent street signs, and asking directions where she could. She hadn't been able to find an accurate map of Chinatown, so she was just working on guesswork and luck. And she was really hoping that it would work.

She got her last set of directions from a wizened old Chinese fortune teller and was relieved to see a shop that looked about right come into view. She checked the time again. Eleven fifty-six. She had time to do a quick survey of the area. She looked around, taking note of any loiterers who might be potential trouble, and looking for escape routes if things did go wrong.

Eleven fifty-nine. She walked to the door and leaned against the wall next to it, holding her phone up next to her, counting silently as she watched the digital number. An unknown Chinese teenage girl shoved her way away from her own wall and walked towards Erika. Erika watched her warily. _Twenty-nine, thirty, thirty-one… _"You here for the Egg?" the girl demanded in a hard whisper. Erika didn't reply. The Chinese girl was pretty, with beautiful slanted eyes and broad cheekbones. She was tiny, about five foot one, dressed in blue jeans and a big white t-shirt. She looked so New York. _Forty-nine, fifty, fifty-one…_

"Go away," Erika said flatly. "I need to concentrate."

"You'd better get ready to run," the girl advised, moving away. "People want the Egg. They'll stop you…"

Erika rolled her eyes. She could do without the cryptic comments. _Fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine…_

Twelve o'clock.

Somewhere in Chinatown, a clock began to chime the hour. Erika could hear it clearly. She shoved her phone back in her pocket, turned and knocked, just once. There was an adrenaline-filled pause and then the door slowly creaked open, revealing a small, wrinkled Chinese man with a shaved head, a long plaited beard and strange pointy ears. He wore a brown robe and he look so much like –

"You look like Yoda," Erika said before her brain caught up with her mouth.

The Chinese man raised one tufted eyebrow. "Is that what you're here to tell me?" he demanded in a deep, sonorous voice. "Ah, no," Erika said. "My apologies. I'm here on D's behalf to collect a box that he says you have for him."

"You have any proof to back that claim up?"

Erika wordlessly pulled the pendant out from under her shirt and showed it to him. He examined it minutely and then finally gave a sniff and straightened. "You're authentic. Wait here." He disappeared back into the shop, slamming the door behind him. Erika stood there silently, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Her gaze swept the street, looking for threats. She was on edge, alert, ready for anything. She was not going to be caught unawares.

The door opened again and the old man presented Erika with a box, about eighteen inches by about eight inches, seven or eight inches deep. The box was made of dark wood, highly polished and carved with pictures of Chinese dragons. It was padlocked on all four sides of the lid with carved padlocks made of four different kinds of wood, all different shades and colours. Erika wondered the significance of wooden locks, then pushed the query from her mind. All she had to do was get the box to D. She could ask him all the questions she wanted when she got there.

The box matched the description that D had given her in every aspect, so she thanked the old man with all due courtesy and slipped the box into her bag. The Chinese man just closed the door in her face.

Ah, well. You couldn't win them all.

Erika slung the bag across her body, the strap crossing over her chest. It would be more difficult for someone to simply grab the bag off of her now. She mentally checked her precautions again and then headed off back towards her car.

The first she knew that people were following her was when one of them got into an argument with some Chinese lady when she got her little cart type thing stuck across the road, blocking Erika from their sight. Erika smiled slightly and kept walking, neither speeding up nor slowing down. At least she knew where they were now.

She turned abruptly into an alleyway and began to run. If there was one thing that Erika Hunter could do, besides making sarcastic comments, it was run. She darted through alleyways, moving very, very fast and doubled back to her car. It was actually in sight when a tall, shadowy figure stepped out in front of her. She stumbled back with a barely suppressed gasp.

The figure caught her wrist, saying in an irritated, but wonderfully familiar voice, "Erika? What the hell are you doing here?"

Erika was struck dumb for a moment, then she flung herself forward to impulsively hug Leon Orcot, so delighted that he wasn't some creep come to kill her that she hardly knew what she was doing. "Orcot!" she yelped. "It's just you! Thank gods… Come on, I have to get out of here before they catch up."

"Before who catch up…?" Orcot trailed off as he caught sight of the shadowy, black dressed people easing out of the shadows and watching them with hard eyes. They were all clustered into different groups, some Asian, some European. "Let's go," Orcot said in a tired sort of voice. "You can drive me back to my hotel and tell me what the hell is going on. You can explain to me how this is all D's fault." Erika smiled and bowed slightly, gesturing him towards the Porsche. "After you, my dear detective…"

The next day, Erika presented D with the box. He took it with eager hands, and unlocked the wooden padlocks with matching wooden keys, lifting the lid off with an awestruck expression on his face. Erika and Orcot leaned forward with identical questioning expressions which faded into awe. "They're…" Orcot murmured. He frowned. "What are they, D?"

"It's a fire lizard's egg," Count D said in a soft voice. Q-chan fluttered down from his shoulder to perch on the edge of the box. "Kyuu!" he said happily. He peered down at the quietly pulsing golden eggs nestled in the box, one wrapped in blue silk one wrapped in red.

"They're very rare," D continued. "I would have been very lucky to get hold of just one. Getting hold of two was practically a miracle. Fire lizards are like miniature dragons and they are in very popular demand as pets. I would make a wonderful profit if I decided to sell it on… But I'm not going to." He smiled and reached out to run one long finger down the red-silk-wrapped egg's curved surface. It throbbed in response to his touch. "These two will become a breeding pair. I'm going to breed fire lizards…"

Erika grinned, delicately touching the other egg, the one wrapped in blue silk. "Can I help?"


	3. Leopardess

Disclaimer: I don't own Pet Shop of Horrors. Just Erika. Oh, and the insane new characters I introduce in this little fic, the Plummy One and Benny-Boy. Oh, and Confucius the snake. Love that guy (!)

Chapter Three

Leopardess

Business was slow in Count D's Pet Shop, and Erika was bored to the point of dropping into a coma on the floor. She groaned and gave into a very unprofessional urge, falling facedown onto one of her employer's low couches, her blonde hair flopping over her face. D looked up from where he was making tea and smiled. "Aren't you having fun, Erika?" he asked with a little laugh. Erika made a disparaging little noise and turned her head to glare at him with dark grey eyes. She gave up glaring after a few seconds and lapsed back into frustration at the lack of customers, sitting up and bringing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs. "I'm so very, very, _very_ bored…" she announced in a despairing voice. "I hate it when there's no one to sell pets to."

D walked over and offered her a cup of jasmine tea, which she accepted with a murmur of thanks. "Feet off the furniture," D chided her. "Particularly if you're wearing _those_ things…" This was said with a disapproving glance at the battered steel toed Doc Martens on Erika's feet – D did _not_ share her love of heavy boots. "Sorry, D," Erika said automatically, putting her feet back down on the floor. "I always forget – blame my bad upbringing."

D sat down beside her and Erika felt her heart speed up – she still hadn't gotten over her crush on the Chinese man. Every time he came within a foot of her, she blushed. And now that it was school holidays so she spent almost every single day at the shop, working or just helping D for no pay. She passed out of the couch few times, and, once, she'd made Leon Orcot help her with her maths homework. She'd quickly found out that some of the pets in the shop weren't exactly "normal" – after having a long, confusing philosophical discussion with a python who was convinced he was the reincarnation of Confucius, she'd wandered up to D and asking him if he would please explain…

Back to Erika sitting on a couch next to D, drinking her tea and trying not to melt into a puddle of nerves. D was sympathising with Erika over the hot pink bridesmaid's dress which, unless she came up with a very clever plan, she was probably going to end up wearing to her father's wedding, when the shop door slammed open.

Erika twisted in her seat and glared at the intruder. "And you don't even have the decency to be a customer," she said grouchily to Leon, whom she still didn't really like. "Next time, try opening the door before you attempt to storm into the room. Just for my peace of mind, okay? Sit. I'll get you a cup of tea."

She moved away, knowing that he was probably here to accuse D of selling some exotic animal to someone, with dire (and probably fatal) consequences. She didn't really want to hear about it. She liked working for D and she didn't want any reason to doubt his integrity.

She shoved a tea cup into Leon's hand and wandered off to go have another long discussion about reincarnation with Confucius the python.

Erika was feeding Confucius live mice when D stuck his head around the door. He paused when he saw the two of them and smiled.

"…but that makes no sense," Erika was saying, holding a mouse up by the tail and offering it to Confucius. He took it delicately, breaking its neck with a quick squeeze and swallowing it. "_It doesss_," the snake replied in a soft, whispery voice. "_It__'__ss not really that hard a concept__…_"

D turned away from the door and beckoned Leon. "Come look at this," he murmured. Leon walked over, looked around the door… and froze. "Isn't that just sweet?" D said, clasping his hands together.

"D, Erika has a friggin' huge snake wrapped around her," Leon said in a strangled whisper.

Erika seemed to sense that she was being watched and turned around. "Oh, hey guys. This is Confucius, Detective. Confucius, this is Detective Leon Orcot. I have a horrible feeling you're going to be seeing him lurking about quite often. You may as well get acquainted."

"_Pleasssure__…_" the snake murmured, unwrapping one of his coils from around Erika and reaching out to shake Leon's hand. "Um, yeah, same to you," Leon said in a shell shocked voice. He tried to ignore the creeping feeling that the snake's smooth scales instilled in him – he _hated_ snakes! "Look, Erika," he said, shoving away his revulsion at seeing the snake wrapped around the girl and focussing on her face instead. "It's just a suggestion… but you should stay away from the shop for the next few days."

Erika stared at him. "My apologies if I seem rude," she said, a slight smile on her lips, "but are you under the effects of some sort of mind-altering narcotic? Because if you are, I suggest you stop your drug abuse, Leon, now. Just because you are indeed as stupid as you look, if not stupider, there is no need to turn towards the shadowy realm of the user. I could help you with your depression, teach you how to cover up your defects, for I am actually a kind person. I just hide it well. What do you say?"

"Thanks for the offer," Leon said irritably. "But I'm not high. D, can you reason with her? She might actually listen to you."

"And now they're talking about me as though I am a sulky adolescent," Erika observed to Confucius, who was watching the proceedings with interest. "Any thoughts on what I should do with them, Confucius, sweetie?" She gave the snake another mouse.

"_I__'__m afraid not, little ssisster__…__ I don__'__t really understand them myself__…__ And, I__'__m ssssorry, but you are a little sssulky__…__ Not too bad though._"

"Erika," D said, smiling slightly. "The dear detective is probably right this time. Being here, at the shop, for the next week or so would potentially put your life in danger. And if you were hurt… why, I don't know what I'd do. I scarcely understand how I managed the shop before you arrived. You make everything so much easier. I thank you."

Erika blushed at the compliment and bowed, nearly overbalancing with the weight of the large snake wrapped around her. D caught one of her hands and pulled her back upright. He picked up one of Confucius's coils with a delicate hand and tugged him lightly. "Come along, my dear, back into your little home. Erika and I must talk." The snake grumbled but slithered back into the huge glass case that was his "little home". As he did so, Leon muttered, "D, I have to split – paperwork to do back at HQ. Just make sure she understands, will you?"

"Have a little faith, Detective…"

Leon grumbled something and walked out, leaving Erika staring at D's back with a confused expression on her face. "What is it that I have to understand, D?" she asked in a plaintive voice. "And why aren't I allowed near the shop for the next few days? What's so dangerous?"

D closed the glass door of Confucius's enclosure with a little sigh. He turned around and reached for Erika's hand in a completely natural little gesture, tugging her towards the doorway back to the front of the shop. "Let's get something to eat and I'll explain," he suggested. "This must be a little sudden."

Erika nodded dumbly and followed him, cursing herself for getting a crush on her boss. Just the feel of his cool fingers wrapped around hers – _ARGH!! _

"You see, some people in that same business as myself like to get hold of their pets in a much more… unscrupulous manner than I do… And I have several incredibly rare species here at the shop which others would just die to get their hands on. Confucius the snake, for example…"

Erika looked startled. "Why him? He's just a python who… talks… Oh."

D smiled, taking a sip of his tea. "Yes, _oh_. Confucius is also quite possibly the reincarnation of his namesake. He is worth thousands. And then there's the eggs. I've already told you how amazing it is to have a breeding pair, and how much money I will end up making from them when they eventually hatch and mature. You saw how many would have taken them from you when you went to collect them."

"What relevance does this have to my being evicted for the next week or so?" Erika asked, trying to keep the truculence out of her voice. She _was not_ just a sulky teenager… (She was a sulky teenager with an attitude problem, hah!!!)

"A great deal, actually," D said, twisting around on the couch and looking straight at Erika, mismatched eyes very serious. "A pair who just _scream _"hired thugs" have come into town and are asking a number of questions about me. I believe I know who hired them and why they're here – they're going to try and steal the eggs. And if you're here at the shop when that happens then it is incredibly likely that you will be injured or taken hostage or… killed. And I don't think I could bear that." He tucked her long fringe back behind her ear so both eyes were fully visible for the first time in, like, _months_.

Erika blushed slightly, and reached up to catch his wrist, feeling a bit too on edge for the contact. She needed to be able to think and D was distracting her, big time. "But what about you?" she demanded, when she could think again. "You'll be here, all alone. They'll beat you to a pulp! They'll kill you! And I don't think _I _could bear _that_, thanks very much."

"I'll think of something…" D said, not quite meeting her eyes. Erika knew what he was thinking almost immediately and it did not make her happy. "Oh, no, you are not just handing the eggs over," she growled, ducking her head so she could lock eyes with him. "Not after all the trouble I went through to get hold of them. I had to put up with _Bethany_ for you. I did not make that sacrifice for nothing."

D laughed. "And I suppose putting up with Bethany was a huge burden?" he teased.

"You have no idea," Erika muttered darkly, dropping her head down to rest on D's shoulder, without even realising she'd done it. D automatically slipped an arm around her, pulling her a little closer He began to play with a lock of her hair in an absentminded sort of way, his expression distant, which meant he was probably thinking hard. Hopefully he was coming up with a plan.

Erika sat cuddled up to D until the shop closed, trying to think of a way to get the two of them out of this predicament.

It happened while Erika was walking home that night. A huge, spotted golden cat flung itself out of an alleyway and jumped on her, knocking her to the ground. It crouched over her, paws on her shoulder, snarling, and displaying long teeth that were a little to sharp for Erika's peace of mind, considering how they were about three inches away from her face.

"Don't move," an unfamiliar female voice, which could only be described as plummy, called from somewhere a little way away. "And he won't rip your face off. I'll be there in a moment."

Erika held perfectly still, trying to ignore how the leopard's claws had gone through her thin t-shirt and were digging into her shoulders. She could feel warm blood trickling down her shoulders, soaking into her t-shirt. Then she registered a fact that should have been completely unimportant, considering the circumstances:

This was the t-shirt she'd worn to the Evanescence concert last summer.

It had been signed by all the members of the band.

And now it was blood streaked and had large holes in it…

She was going to kill someone.

Erika opened her eyes, which she'd squeezed shut in fear, and glared up at the leopard. "Would you kindly hurry up and get your pet cat off of me?" she snarled to the unseen woman, ignoring the earlier warning not to move. "Oh, he's not my pet, sweetie," the woman's voice said. "He's my partner. Benny-boy? Why don't you show the nice girl?"

The leopard seemed to shirt before her eyes, blurring, and then it was a very naked male human crouched over her. He was good looking, with thick blonde hair, dark golden eyes and a very muscly body. He smiled sleepily at her. "Hey…"

Erika gave him a sweet smile, then shoved him hard. He fell off her with a startled yelp and then Erika was on her feet, examining her t-shirt with a disgusted air. The punctures in the fabric would probably rip even more when she put it through the wash. "Brilliant…" she muttered. Her shoulders hurt.

There was a crack and then a whip wrapped itself lightly around her throat. Erika looked along it to the woman who held it. She was almost definitely the one of the plummy voice. She was small, delicate and wore a leather corset and black leather trousers with spike heels. Her black hair was pulled firmly back from her beautiful face and her dark brown eyes were smug. Erika suppressed hysterical laughter – she looked like she'd randomly selected her clothing from a bag marked "Bondage Gear" and then thrown it one without noticing how it looked on her. She looked like such a wannabe lion tamer, with her little pet leopard.

"You want something?" Erika asked her as politely as she could manage considering how her shirt was ruined. "I have a home to get to." She reached up and pulled the whip away from her throat, hurling it away.

"Well, sweetie, I have a message for your boss," the Lady Plum said plummily.

Erika clicked. "Oh, so _you__'__re_ the crazy thugs hired by some unknown to steal those eggs off D. I should have guessed it when Leopard Boy jumped me. Speaking of whom, could he _please_ put some clothes on?"

The Lady Plum frowned as Benny-Boy started to slide his way into a rubber jumpsuit (and yes, I did say rubber. Oh, gods, how tragic, no?). "How do you know all this? And why aren't you a quivering wreck? A leopard just jumped on you."

"He wrecked my shirt," Erika said flatly. "Now I'm angry. Who the hell are you?"

Plum tried to regain control of the conversation: "I'm the one asking questions here. You will just carry this message to your boss: Bring us the eggs or else there'll be trouble."

Erika waited. When it became apparent that there wasn't any more message after that, she gave a frustrated sigh. "Is that all? One lame remark and we're supposed to fall over ourselves to obey your demands? That's pathetic. Come on, you can do better than that. Promise me something involving white hot spikes and possible Iron-Maiden action…"

The Plummy One had had enough. She snarled something dire and threatening and stalked off, curtly gesturing Benny-Boy to follow her. Erika rolled her eyes and stalked off home.

There were urgent repairs needed upon her favourite shirt.

The next day, she turned up for work as per usual and told D that he needn't worry, that the hired thugs were a pair of useless losers. D made her recount the story of how they'd waylaid her. He went white when she told him about how Benny-Boy had dug his claws into her shoulders.

"Did he draw blood?" he demanded, seizing her hand as though this was a big thing. He looked worried, scared almost. "Um, yes…" Erika admitted. "Wrecked my favourite shirt too and – D, what's the matter?" she demanded urgently as the Chinese man sank down onto the couch, one hand covering his mouth.

"He cut your shoulders open and he infected your with the virus that changes him into a leopard," he said through his fingers, his voice almost dreamy but edged with horror. "What does that mean?" Erika said, sitting beside him and gently tugging his hand away from his mouth, peering up at him. "D, what's going on?"

"You're a wereleopard now."

The words fell into the stillness of the shop like pebbles falling into deep water, sending out ripples of shock and confusion. "What?" Erika whispered, letting go of D's hand. "I'm a what?"

D closed his eyes. "A wereleopard. Wereleopardess. You won't change at full moon like werewolves must do, but if you get scared, or very angry, then you'll begin to pick up leopard like traits. And you'll be able to change completely soon. Oh, Erika, I'm sorry." He hesitantly tugged her into his arms, giving her a hug, his chin on top of her head.

Erika was very still as thoughts raced through her mind. She didn't speak for a long while, just sitting there with D's arms around her as he babbled on about how sorry he was. Suddenly, she murmured, "Why are you so upset?"

D stopped babbling and ducked his head to look her in the eye. "Why? Because of me, a change has been foisted on you which you never asked for, a change you didn't want. I decided when I hired you that I wouldn't let you be irretrievably affected by my work… well, at least, not too much…"

"What makes you think I don't want it?" Erika asked in a strangled sort of voice. She burst out laughing then, hugging D back, hard. "I can change into a leopard!" she yelped happily. "D, that's brilliant!"

"Um, you might not think so later on…" D commented in a slightly bemused voice as she pulled free and started to randomly dance around the room. She smiled at him wildly. "Will I have to hurt anyone?"

"No, I don't think so…"

"Then I don't care. This is so cool!!"

It was quite a while before Erika got control of herself again and then she collapsed back down on the couch next to D. "You know, deciding to take a job here might have been the best thing I ever did," she informed D delightedly. "Tragic weirdos demanding that I pass on inane messages and all."

D smiled, a little uncertainly. "Well, I'm glad that you're happy," he said, his voice tinged with confusion.

"Happy? Try ecstatic! Oh, we have customers!" Erika yelped then, shooting up off the couch and darting the room across to meet the young boy who'd just walked in with his mother. "Welcome to Count D's Pet Shop," she said smoothly, hiding her delight and slipping back into the role of shopkeeper. "I'm the Count's assistant Erika. How may I help you?"

D stared at her, absentmindedly pouring a cup of tea for himself, as she effortlessly chatted with the little boy and helped him pick out a turtle for his older brother, who's birthday was next week or something like that. "I will never understand that girl," he commented to the walls in a numb voice.


	4. Snakenapped

A/N: Apologies if this story seems a little forced and stilted or whatever. I had so much trouble writing it, it was horrendous. Writer's Block shall die a truly ignoble death involving skewers. I may even strap it to a chair and force it to watch Bambi and The Sound of Music and some other brutally tragic movie where little bunnies hop around in a frolicsome manner and everyone sings rather crap songs…

(ARRRRRRGGGHHHH!!! SCARY!!!!)

A/N#2: Huge, nay, gigantic thanks to my friendy Ghostly Hand's Pen who gave me the Confucius quote that gave me the idea for this fic. It is indeed appreciated, as are your great reviews. Thanks heaps. Anyway, enough rambling. Thanks, Ghostly, like, a lot. You rock. And now on to the fic.

Chapter Four

Snakenapped

_Forget injuries, never forget kindness__… _

– Confucius

It had to have happened at some stage. Erika just wished that it hadn't happened so soon…

But wishes weren't going to get the scruffy teenage wereleopardess at this point, so she simply discarded them and went back to shouting at D.

Count D and Erika Hunter were having their very first argument… And it wasn't just any old argument. This was one of those fights where klaxon horns sound and people take shelter in their bathrooms with their mattresses over their heads. This little quarrel was going nuclear.

It had all started so innocently. Benny-Boy and the Plummy One, the strange pair of hired thugs who had been responsible for Erika's little genetic transformation into that of a semi magical being, had slammed their way into the shop, demanding that Erika and D hand over the fire lizard eggs that Erika had procured for D in New York a few months before. It had been a long stressful day for Erika, who had dealt with several vastly irritating customers, and she was on the verge of breakdown. So really, it wasn't too big a surprise that she simply changed her hand into a large leopard's paw, whacked Benny-Boy and the Plummy One upside the head and ordered them out of the shop in a loud, furious voice.

What was surprising was D's reaction… He'd broken his habitual cool and started shouting at Erika angrily, furious that she'd changed form in broad daylight. Things hadn't got much better from there on in – as Erika was still on the verge of disembowelling anything that twitched at her the wrong way, she didn't take D yelling at her for no apparent reason too kindly. The usual argument type things had happened i.e.: both of the quarrellers putting words into the others' mouths, not listening to a thing the other said and only hearing what they wanted to, etc, etc.

The fight ended with Erika handing in her resignation and stalking off, leaving D staring after her with a stunned look on his face.

Suffice to say, it appeared that Erika had gotten the last word.

A week later, Erika lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling, so miserable and depressed she was seriously considering going out and buying yet another four litre tub of chocolate ice-cream and scarfing the lot. But she'd already eaten two whole tubs, and even with her insanely high metabolism, she somehow doubted that she goes manage another without passing out and having to be rushed to hospital to get her stomach pumped like some strange-o drug addict. And that would just be embarrassing.

So she lay on her bed and listened to angry girl music for six hours, trying desperately hard not to think about what D was doing right now.

May as well try and stop the sun.

D, in fact, was equally as miserable as Erika was. He was also indulging in misery binge eating – he'd eaten a whole chocolate cake by himself (_oh, noes, however will he retain his girlish figure??_). He was just starting towards a large lemon meringue pie with a businesslike expression on his face, watched by a terrified Q-chan, who'd witnessed the demise of the chocolate cake with horror, when the door banged open and Leon Orcot marched in. Q-chan breathed a sigh of relief as D turned away from the poor meringue.

"D!" he hollered. "You home?"

"Well, where else would I be?" D muttered grouchily to himself in Chinese. "Why won't he just leave me alone? I haven't sold any special pets recently…" In English, he called, "Yes, I'm here…"

"Good," said Leon, glaring at him. D, surprisingly enough, glared back.

"Why is it good? What do you want, anyway?" D's tone could only be described as surly.

Leon looked taken aback, but he recovered quickly. "Did you sell that damn talking snake to anyone?" he demanded.

"No. Why do you ask?"

"Because there've reports of a talking python attacking house pets. Are you sure he hasn't escaped or anything?"

D frowned. "No, actually, I'm not sure. Erika was normally the one to feed Confucius…and she gave him quite a bit of meat the day she left. Snakes take a long time to digest their food, and they prefer to sleep while they're doing so, so I've left him in peace for the past week."

Leon was momentarily distracted from escaped talking pythons. "Did you say Erika's left? When'll she be back?" Although Erika and Leon hadn't really gotten on at first, they'd settled into an uneasy truce over the past couple of months, had almost become friends.

"She won't be, apparently," D said, turning away and starting to clear up the tea things, refusing to look at Orcot. "She resigned." He steeled himself for the oncoming explosion and inevitable questions.

They were quickly forthcoming…

"WHAT?! Erika quit?! What the hell did you do to make her do that?"

"What makes you think _I _did anything?" D retorted evasively. He still couldn't look Leon in the eye. The truth was, he'd been missing Erika rather desperately over the past week. He'd gotten so used to having her there, to being able to talk to her just about whenever he wanted, that suddenly loosing the girl he had to admit was his best friend was a horrible blow. Thus, the week of binge eating cakes and sweets and practically anything containing sugar. (If a doctor had of taken a look at his blood sugar level, he would've fainted. When he woke up, he would have insisted that D undergo tests to ensure that he was human, as no one should've been able to survive that…)

"Because Erika's completely devoted to you," Leon snapped, dropping into a chair and scowling at D. "She wouldn't just walk out for no reason. What the hell did you do?"

"I don't need both of you mad at me!" D yelped, whirling around and glaring. "Anyway, it's none of your business. Drop it."

"D…"

"Detective, shall we go check that Confucius is safely in his tank?" D said flatly, changing the subject. "I want to be sure that he's safe." Without waiting for an answer, he stalked from the room. Leon followed him more slowly, his mind awhirl. D and Erika mad at one other… It just seemed to be impossible, a contradiction in terms. The Erika Leon knew would have wholeheartedly supported D if he'd suddenly decided that the sky was bright pink with yellow spots, and threatened to commit grievous bodily harm to anyone who disagreed (all whilst holding up a hand tipped with long claws and glaring menacingly).

Confucius was safely in his large tank, sleeping peacefully. D frowned at the detective and gestured at the snake. "As you can see, Confucius is perfectly safe. He hasn't been anywhere. The snake you've heard of is either another specimen or just the product of some wild rumour. Are you happy now?" He walked out again.

Leon paused a moment, staring at the snake. After a while, he sighed and turned to go, blue eyes distant as he tried to puzzle out what could have possibly caused D and Erika to have a falling out. As he reached the door, a soft whispery voice stopped him. "_Wait a moment, detective…_"

Confucius opened his eyes and slithered up to the front of his tank. Leon forced himself not to shudder and walked back towards the snake. "Uh… You want something?"

"_I went to check Erika a few hourssss ago… She isss depresssssed over her argument with D. Ssssomething must be done…_"

Leon frowned. "You went to see Erika? Did you, ah… _eat_ anything on the way?"

Confucius gave Leon a disgusted look. "_I believe that my diet isss not the isssue at hand,_" he said haughtily. "_I need you to kidnap me…_"

"WHAT?!"

Confucius sighed. "_Pay attention, Detective. Erika and I are closssse friendssss. If I were kidnapped then ssshe would hurry back here to ssssssee if ssshe could help find me, regardlessssss of her quarrel with D. When ssshe isss here, it would be a sssimple matter to make sssure that her and D resssolve their little… problemssss. It'ssss for their own good. Ssssso will you help me?"_

Leon closed his eyes. "So, I guess you're gonna have to spend a couple of days in my apartment, then?" he asked in a pained voice.

"_Yessss…_" Confucius replied. "_I will have to hide…_"

Leon sighed, wincing as he thought of a bloody snake living in his apartment. He cringed. He _hated_ snakes. But if it'd get D and Erika talking again…

"Alright then," he said decisively. "When do you want to be snakenapped?"

**Time has passed…**

Erika turned her head and glared sullenly at her digital alarm clock, which was buzzing in a most vexing manner. Seven a.m. What a heinous hour to have to get up…

"I hate school," Erika mumbled, staggering towards her shower.

D sipped yet another cup of jasmine tea, liberally dosed with nigh on half a bag of sugar, and tried to ignore the lack of Erika in the shop. He shivered in the cold of the shop, wishing that it would either warm up, or that Erika would suddenly bounce in the door. Everything seemed better when she was there…

"Let's be realistic…" D said to Q-chan, who was sitting on the coffee table making sympathetic little squeaks. "Even if Erika and I were talking, she wouldn't be showing up to the shop today anyway. The holidays are over – she's in school at the moment."

The door banged open. "No, I'm not."

D stood up and turned around so fast it's really an amazing thing that Erika was not doused in scalding tea. "Erika?! What are you doing here?"

Erika looked at the ground, flushing slightly. "Well, um, I found this in my locker." She handed him a single sheet of paper that looked as though it'd been shoved through something much smaller than itself. It was all crumpled and had been written in scruffy handwriting with what appeared to be a pen that exploded with ink every couple of seconds. "I'm not sure if it's a hoax or not," Erika continued, scuffing one booted foot on the floor and refusing to meet D's eyes. "But I just wanted to know if he was safe…"

D gave her a confused look and scanned the note quickly. His eyebrows rose and then he laughed. "Erika," he said, smiling at her. "Take a look at the handwriting. Whose does it remind you of?"

She took the note back and stared at it. Her eyes narrowed. She didn't speak for a long time as she slowly crumpled the note into a small ball. When she finally did say something, her voice was low and lightly poisonous. "Y'know, D, I snuck out of school for this, just after my homeroom teacher gave me this huge lecture about my allegedly atrocious attendance record. According to her, if I do sneak out at any time within the next month or so, I'll get a week's detention…" She closed her eyes. When she opened them again, they were dark golden with slit pupils, the eyes of an incredibly pissed off cat. "I'm gonna KILL Leon Orcot…"

**Some time later…**

"Erika, for god's sake, it wasn't even my fault!" Leon yelped as Erika backed him into a corner, growling. She'd fully shifted into her leopardess form, a sleek, light gold cat with black spots and a furiously lashing tail. "It was that snake's idea, I swear!"

"Tut-tut, detective," D said sweetly. He was sitting in his usual chair, with Confucius wrapped around his shoulders and Q-chan in his lap, eating some sort of sugar-laden food substance that was probably banned in several countries because most people collapsed after eating it… "Don't blame others for your mistakes… Erika got into a lot of trouble because of your little stunt. You should be ashamed…"

Confucius sniggered softly. "_Ssssso…_" he said. "_Are you and Erika… friendssss once more?_"

D nodded. "I've rehired her and everything has been forgiven." He smiled softly. "How could I stay mad when I recall how much she's already done for me?"

Confucius smiled (which was very disturbing… Have you ever _seen_ a snake smile? It's not pretty…).

"_Forget injuriessss_," he whispered softly, watching with a coldly amused eye as Erika slashed at Leon with a heavily clawed paw. "_Never forget kindnesssss…_"

A/N: Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!! I finished it!!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!! That story was like two weeks in the making people. Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks again to Ghostly. Sorry if the way it all ended was a little cheesy…

Disclaimer: Just realised that I seldom put one of these thingies in…. (Oops!) Anyway, I don't own D or Leon or anyone. Just Erika and Confucius the Snake (oh, how I love that lil snake dude!!!) Oh, and Benny-Boy and the Plummy One. Anyone want those two? You can have 'em!!

Reviews (and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism) would be welcomed, not beaten away with a large iron poker. Flames will be shot down with my brother's BB gun. (And that thing REALLY hurts, ya know!!)


	5. Weddings Never Go As Planned

Chapter Five

Weddings Never Go As Planned

(At Least Not When Erika's Involved)

Erika Hunter opened her eyes and wished she hadn't. Benny-Boy, the strange, rubber jumpsuit loving wereleopard who had been responsibly for infecting Erika with the modified strain of lycanthropy that caused her to change into a leopardess every once in a while, was leaning over her. Wearing, predictable enough, a rubber jumpsuit. His eyes glowed golden in the dark.

"Oh gods above…" Erika muttered. "What the hell are you doing here, may I ask?"

"You got us fired," came the plummy voice of Benny-Boy's partner. "That was foolish…"

"Like?" Erika sat up and shoved hard at Benny-Boy, who fell to the floor in an uncoordinated blur. (He might be a huge, graceful cat at times but he's a clumsy try hard as well. Everyone has their layers.) "What are you two doing here anyway? You're supposed to be in LA, not here in New York. Go away and let me get some sleep. It's going to be a very long day tomorrow."

"Oh, I heard about that," the Plummy One said, her attitude suddenly changing to that of the gossip. "Too bad for you, sweetie, your daddy marrying that bitch. Is he insane? Oh no, he wouldn't be, would he… Bethany can twist men around her little finger. It's her job, you know."

Erika stared at her, very interested. "No, I don't know. How is seducing men Bethany's job?"

"Well, she's a –"

"Erika, who're you talking to in there?"

Speak of the devil and she will come. Bethany's voice rang outside the door and next minute Benny-Boy and the Plummy One were gone. Erika growled, feeling her teeth grow to fangs inside her mouth before she got a lid on her temper. She'd been so damn _close_…!

"Erika? Who're you talking to?" Bethany opened the door and walked in. She was wearing a tiny semi-see-through, red silk, baby doll nightie. Erika closed her eyes. Did she have to walk around looking like a frigging porn star?

"My very own personal inner demons," Erika said pithily in reply to her soon-to-be stepmother's question. "But they're gone now, so perhaps I can get back to sleep…?" She left it hanging and rolled back over, closing her eyes. After a moment, Bethany left the room again, muttering something under her breath. Erika guessed that it was not a prayer that her beloved soon-to-be stepdaughter would never change, would stay just as sulky and bad tempered as ever. More likely the woman was wishing Erika had never been born.

"Erika! Get up! You have to start getting ready. NOW!"

Erika sat bolt upright in bed at Bethany's screech suppressing a scream of terror as she shrugged away nightmare she'd been embedded in. Bethany had featured in the bad dream as the main villain, with spiny bat wings protruding from her back and a long lizard like red tongue lashing from her mouth. She'd been terrifying, half woman, half demon.

She sighed and dragged herself out of bed, stumbling towards the shower. Her expression brightened somewhat as she glanced out the window. She gave a small evil chuckle – it was pouring with rain…

Poor Bethany. It looked as though her wedding was going to be a wet one…

Half an hour later, Erika was sitting in a luxurious Mercedes, trying to squirm into the door to get away from her soon-to-be stepsister, Hope. This was a serious case of the Ugly Stepsisters – except Hope and Faith were gorgeous.

Hope had her mother's thick dark brown hair in a glossy bob and flawless skin. Her eyes were a clear light blue. She was fourteen, nearly four years younger than Erika, but what she lacked in years of experience, she made up for in pure nastiness. So far today she'd made several awful comments about Erika's choice of attire (faded blue jean, black t-shirt and Docs), her hair, her looks… Just about everything about her really. If Erika hadn't of grown up in Los Angeles going to a school full of complete bitches who were horrible to her on a regular basis, she would've gone completely insane already.

Faith and Erika were the same age but they couldn't be more different. Faith had darker hair than her mother and sister, pure black and perfectly straight. Her eyes were pale violet though, exactly like her mother's. Her skin was fair. She was the same height as Erika, give or take an inch, with a body to die for and impeccable fashion sense. Today she was wearing a knee length pencil skirt, white tailored business shirt and jacket with black ankle boots. She made Erika look scruffy.

Her temperament was totally different to Erika's as well. She was quiet, hard working, sensible and completely dominated by her more forceful mother and younger sister. Erika felt sorry for her – she had to live with Hope and Bethany…

The Mercedes came to a halt and Erika was out of the car long before the chauffeur had time to come around and open the door for her. She stood on the curb, taking a deep breathe and feeling like she'd just escaped utter hell. But Hope followed her almost immediately, saying, "You do know that you're supposed to wait for the nice man to open the door, don't you, Erika?"

Erika turned and smiled at her soon-to-be stepsister. "I am perfectly capable of opening a door on my own, sweetie… Can't you manage it?"

She saw Faith smile slightly behind Hope as the younger girl gave Erika a look of utter hatred. Erika smirked slightly and walked up the steps of the imposing building they'd stopped at, trying not to think of the terror that probably awaited her.

It was worse than Erika could have ever predicted. Nearly eight hours later, a bewildered and mildly furious Erika was ejected back onto the street, to scramble into the Mercedes and try to avoid all mirrored objects. She did not want to see what she looked like. She shuddered, memories of the horrors she had been forced to endure resurfacing. They'd sat her down on a horrible salon chair and done scary things to her hair. She had managed to retain her emo fringe only through grabbing a pair of scissors and threatening to stab the hairdresser if she touched it. After that there had been no mercy. She had been plucked, moisturised, and then made up to within an inch of her life. Complicated things had been done to her hairdo and then she'd been hurried into her dress, forced to wear horrendously high blue heels, which she was having serious trouble walking in and then admired briefly by a triumphant horde of hairdressers, makeup artists and dressmakers before being shoved out the door.

(About the only good thing that had happened to this wedding in Erika's point of view was that the hot pink dress idea had been dropped and the bridesmaids were instead to wear sky blue knee length slips. Erika had thanked whichever gods had been listening, and had considered sacrificing Hope on someone's altar. She'd discarded the notion only when D had pointed out that it was most likely that no god would actually _want_ to have someone like Hope sacrificed to them.)

Anyway, the day had not been any good so far. Erika was hoping that the trauma would induce her brain to just blot the day out, file the experience away into a box in the back of her mind marked "Things That Will Never Be Spoken of Again". That would just be kinder all round.

A few minutes later, Hope and Faith slid into the car and they were off again, heading. To Erika's profound relief, Faith was the one who ended up sitting next to her, not her younger sister. Erika felt a little too limp and washed out to want to exchange verbal barbs with her so charming stepsister-to-be. But sadly for Erika, Hope was nothing if not insistent. She leant around her sister and sneered at Erika. "Still insisted on that plebby hairdo?"

Erika sighed and looked at Faith. "What does plebby mean?" she asked the other girl in a weary sort of voice. Faith replied hesitantly. "It's an insult, coming from the word pleb, which is a shortening of plebeian. It means unrefined, lower class…"

"Ah," said Erika. She leant around Faith and gave Hope a winning smile. "Yes, I have insisted upon my "plebby" hairdo. I do have some standards and I would prefer not to resemble a poodle who'd been struck by lightning, the way _you _do…"

Hope sucked in a furious breath, glaring at Erika, and began to talk. "Oh, you think you're _so_ clever, don't you," she snarled. "But you're not. You're just a scummy little leech, trying to suck money off of Daddy. I heard you last time you visited, begging him to help you scrape up enough to move out of your big, bad drug-addict step dad's house. Well, give it up. He doesn't even like you. He likes me and Faith better. And you know what? After Mommy and Daddy get married, I'll make it so you'll never be welcome here ever again. You won't get a cent of Daddy's money, not ever. I'll make your life a misery, you know that? I'll tell them you did all sorts of things to me, and by the time I'm finished with you, Daddy will never want to see you ever, ever again. I'll –"

"Why do you call him Daddy?" Erika interrupted, having, like Faith, kept quiet up until now, content to let the words wash over her as the other girl worked her way through her not-very-articulate little hissy fit.

"What?"

"Why do you call him Daddy?" Erika repeated. "Don't you have your own father?"

Hope refused to reply and the rest of the drive to the private garden where the happy couple would be getting married was completely silent.

Well, Erika thought sourly, at least the garden's pretty.

She wandered through it, her stiletto heels held in one hand, her bare feet feeling the chill of the wet grass beneath her feet. It had stopped raining sometime during Erika's little makeover, and the garden was beautiful, with the late afternoon sun glancing off the water droplet on the plant leaves. Erika sighed and sat down on a partially dry bench, being careful not to get her dress wet (several different people would kill her if she did) and stared around her, silently appreciating the beauty of the garden. The wedding would start in half an hour, and this was probably going to be the last few moments of solitude she had left. She closed her eyes and sighed again. "I wish D was here," she said out loud, her voice startling in the quiet.

"Really?" said a familiar voice. "That's flattering."

Erika's eyes snapped open, her head whipped around so fast she nearly broke her neck and then she flung herself at the Chinese man with a scream of delight. "D! What the hell are you doing here?!" she yelped, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him as hard as she could. He laughed, his arms light around her waist, tugging her briefly closer and then letting her go again as she stepped back, blushing at what she'd just done.

(Way to go, Erika, her mind jeered. How hard it will be for him to guess that you harbour a "small" affection for him… Not.)

"I am here," D said sweetly, smiling at her. "Because I was invited. I've met your stepmother a few times before and it appears that she remembered me. Normally I would have refused but I decided that perhaps you might need a little moral support."

"D, you are a life saver. A veritable hero in… a… suit. My gods, you're wearing a suit." Erika stared at him in disbelief and D fidgeted slightly, tugging at the jacket of the expensive looking black suit that he was wearing. "Yes," he said. "Miss Bethany actually insisted that I wear one. Can I just mention how much of a sacrifice I am making on your behalf?"

"I'm touched," Erika said, laying one hand over her heart. "Truly."

"I would think so. Oh, I had almost forgot. The ceremony is to start shortly and the bride is expected so I surmise you should come back up to the part of the garden where everything is taking place. I really doubt that anyone would be impressed if you were late."

Erika laughed. "They'd kill me very dead and then Bethany and Hope would probably skin me and turn my hide into an incredibly fetching little handbag."

"I haven't met the lady's daughters, but judging from my experiences with Miss Bethany herself, that is entirely possible. Shall we go?"

He offered Erika his arm with a bow, smiling slightly. She put her shoes back on, took it and the two of them swept from the garden, the epitome of elegance and poise. At least on the outside, anyway. D was having to support Erika so she didn't fall over in the five inch heels.

The wedding was horrendous. Erika stood there, trying very hard not to hurl as she listened to her father and Bethany exchange the vows they had personally written. They were sappy and so incredibly cringe-worthy. There were long moments where the bride and groom just stood there gazing into one another's eyes as the wedding guests said, "Aw, how sweet! They're so in love!"

The only thing that kept Erika sane was D. He stood in crowd with a small worried smile on his face. Erika just knew that he was pondering the sanity of nearly everyone in the garden. The look he gave Erika whenever his eyes rested on her was sympathetic.

Erika felt a headache tugging at her brain. For a second white hot agony flared behind her right eye and then it was gone, leaving her weak and swaying.

"Poor Erika," D murmured under his breath as he watched his teenage assistant stand swaying beside her vindictive younger stepsister. He wondered what was wrong with her and then her head turned and he met her eyes. D nearly collapsed. She was in agony…

A second later the pain hit him too. He gasped, clutching his head in fine boned hands. People near him looked at the stricken Chinese man in surprise and then they were hit. They all collapsed, gasps and screams ringing out in the stillness of the garden. Erika's father fell to his knees, howling with pain before he passed out. Unconsciousness reigned.

Ten seconds later, the only people on their feet were D, Erika, Bethany, Hope and Faith. Erika was on her knees beside her father, calling his name and shaking him. D staggered up to her, giving Bethany, who was standing perfectly still, stunned, a worried look as he passed her. "Erika," he said quietly. "Leave him. He won't be waking up until this is over."

"Until what's over?" Erika demanded, staring up at her boss with a worried gray eye. "D, what's going on?"

D looked at Bethany. "Would you like to explain for her, Miss Bethany?" he asked politely. "Or should I?" He tilted his head on one side, looking the very picture of polite enquiry. Bethany didn't reply. The pain was ebbing and D could think straight now. And what he was thinking was that he was furious at Bethany for putting Erika in so much danger. To Erika, he said, "Bethany's ex-husband is about to arrive. Please try not to draw too much attention to yourself and there's a chance we might get out of here alive." He carefully avoided mentioning Erika's father, hoping she wouldn't notice.

Sadly, Erika was nothing if not perceptive. "And my father?" she demanded. "What happens to him?"

Bethany let out a little sob. That was all the answer Erika needed. She stood up, kicking off the high heels and glaring around, her eyes flashing dangerously. "If _anyone_ touches my father… I'll kill them." she snarled. She was just managing to restrain her claws and fangs from growing. Her ears desperately wanted to creep up on top of her head and change shape. She firmly told them to behave. D looked at her warily. "Be careful," was all he said.

A moment later, the fabric of the world ripped open and a demon stepped out.

He was nearly eight feet tall and resembled a large lizard who'd decided he wanted to walk on two legs. He was covered in dull green scales and his eyes glowed red. It turned out he was just the doorkeeper… Hope and Faith whimpered and covered their eyes with their hands as their father stepped through the rift.

Erika glared at him. He looked fairly human, about six foot with thick scruffy black hair and pale skin. He wore black from head to toe, looked to be in his mid to late forties, was as good looking as Erika's father, in a gothic sort of way and had cold, pale blue eyes.

"Why, hello, Beth…" he said, smiling icily. "I heard you were getting married again. I'm hurt that I wasn't invited…" He wandered closer to Bethany, who was standing there trembling in her utterly gorgeous wedding dress, looking like her world was coming to an end. "D-Don't hurt him…" she pleaded in a tiny voice. "Please…"

He just smiled and turned towards Erika's father. His eyes flicked over Erika and D. He frowned. "Why aren't you two out of it?" he asked. "That spell was meant to hit all humans."

Neither of them replied, D because he didn't particularly want to and Erika because she was busy telling her body that a tail was not necessary. The demon shrugged. "Ah, well, little matter…" He moved towards Erika's father with a predator's stalk. "If you'd just excuse me, I need to tear that human to pieces."

Erika lost several of her fights. "_Try it…_" she hissed, as her teeth narrowed to points, her fingernails turned to claws and her ears shifted up to the top of her head, changing to a leopard's as they did so. Her eyes turned golden with slit pupils. Her one triumph was that she managed to avoid growing a tail. That would have been embarrassing.

D sighed and moved away. "I had hoped that this wasn't going to happen…" he observed to no one, walking over to stand next to Bethany and her daughters. "But sometimes there's just no reasoning with her."

Erika met his eyes and just for a second her far too pointy teeth flashed in a smile and then she was back to glaring at the demon, who was watching her with mild amazement. "And exactly what would you be?" he asked her curiously, moving closer.

"Wereleopardess," Erika said flatly. "Leave my father alone." She sniffed the air restlessly, her ears flicking around and picking up a million different sounds on the night air. She could hear the far away traffic and smell Bethany's terror. There was the acrid stench of the gatekeeper demon, and the strange, sharp smell of Hope and Faith's father. She could hear Faith gasping for breath, and Hope muttering a prayer, begging that her father go away NOW. She could smell the scent of incense coming off of D. That calmed her somewhat.

"Why would I want to leave him alone?" the demon demanded. "He's marrying my wife."

"Your _ex_-wife," Erika snarled. "And as far as I know he doesn't have the slightest inkling that you exist. Get over it. You are _divorced_."

The demon stared at her for a long moment, his face impassive, then he lunged forward. Erika didn't think, she just reacted, whipped her hand around and raking him across the face with the claws of one hand, while she ripped at his stomach with the others. He hissed and drew back, his shirt shredded and blood leaking from the deep cuts on his face and stomach. The cuts started to heal even as Erika watched. That wasn't good – if he healed almost as soon as she hurt him, then she didn't really have too much of a chance.

But suddenly he wasn't interested in fighting. "Why are you doing this?" he asked. "Do you _want_ Bethany to be your stepmother? From what I've heard she's been making your life hell."

"I don't really like her," Erika explained, feeling suddenly exhausted. "But for some unknown reason my father does. So there isn't too much I can say about it. So will you just go away so this wedding can be done with and I can go home and sleep for a few days?"

The demon smiled then, a genuine smile. He turned his head and looked at Bethany with cold eyes. "Best wishes for your marriage, sweetheart," he said smoothly, as if he hadn't just been trying to kill her fiancé. Glancing at Erika again, he added, "I'll talk to you again later."

"Oh, what fun…" Erika muttered, lifting her hands up and tugging at her ears, trying to pull them back to where they were supposed to be. "D, how do I turn back to normal?"

She ignored the demon as he walked back through the gate, disappearing with a flash of red light.

Half an hour later, the happy couple were happily married and they drove off to the reception quite happily. After getting special permission from her new stepmother, who was feeling quite generous at this point in time, to forgo the wedding celebrations, the daughter of the groom travelled by taxi back to her father's house, where she gathered her stuff together, changed into jeans, t-shirt and Docs, loaded her stuff into the boot of her taxi, got back in and was driven to the airport where she got onto a plane with her boss and flew back to Los Angeles.


End file.
